5. On The Same Page? - Part One

*Just so you know, this was the most uncomfortable chapter I've ever had to write lol :( I hope it's okay and THANKU sooo much for the comments left on the last chapter :) and to those who commented on my newest fic, I really appreciate it :) Hope this is alright for you.*

Every voice in her head was screaming "No" once those words left his mouth. Everything suddenly became so scary and her body remained frozen as he continued to tend to her bloody hand. This had to stop. Now. She couldn't keep doing this to herself and knowing he felt the same way only seemed to hurt her more. It was as if her mind and heart were in a battle with one another, her heart yearning to spend every waking moment with him and let their love lead somewhere but her mind on the other hand was pulling her away from him. She couldn't deal with any heartbreak he might cause her. At least with Max she had security. Her marriage was one of the pillars supporting her sobriety and if that was to crumble she feared what would follow. Her mind was quickly winning this battle, but would it win the war?

"Nicki, say somethin'. Please?" He rubbed his head nervously, still in shock after he'd told her he loved her. She hadn't said a word in almost three minutes, an eternity in his thoughts.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Aubrey." Although she was completely panicked she seemed calm, almost as if she'd been waiting for this moment.

"Say it back, Nicki. I know you feel the same way."

"But I don't though. And I never will." She sniffled and removed her hand out of his grip. "I'm married, Aubrey. This thing between us has only ever been sex. It always will be." The shake in her voice showed her dishonesty.

"You're lyin', what about that night when we were shootin' for the tape a couple weeks back? You remember that? 'Cause I sure as hell do."

Her eyes flicked violently across his, trying to read his emotions. She had forgotten all about that evening, tried her best to block it out even. "I was just caught up in the moment, I shouldn't have said it."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, I'm tellin' the truth." Quickly glancing down at her lap she frowned harshly and pushed her chair back before moving over to the sink, the tears no longer being held back.

"I heard what you said, Nicki. Over and over and over again." She jumped slightly when he spoke, his mouth right next to her ear whilst he stood closely behind her.



The tape was still rolling, catching their intimacy in the dim light of his basement. The bedsheets became more and more crinkled and unkempt as their bodies moved against one another, the passion could be felt in the room but neither would acknowledge it. Nicki wasn't sure if it was the glass of wine she had or her genuine feelings coming though but she couldn't pull her gaze from his face. He was sat upright, staring into her eyes as she rocked back and forth on him. Every breath and whimper she let escape her mouth was given just for him and he was accepting them with each stroke. Completely blocking out the video camera's existence they both continued to maintain their eye contact with one another. Neither had ever experienced an emotional connection as powerful as this one. Her hands slung carelessly around his neck and his on her hips. He loved when she took control.

"Aubrey." She called out in a whispered moan and tightened her grip around his neck. Only now was she aware of the tear rolling down her face.

He gripped her hips more tightly and pulled her closer, her breasts pressed firmly to his chest. He could feel her heart beating. "It's okay."

"No." Moaning out more loudly she began to rock a little faster, her nose less than a centimetre away from his. Their eyes still locked into a stare. "I-I lo-"

"Fuck." He groaned throatily, interrupting her as he started moving her hips faster with his own hands.

"I love you." She allowed her hands to fall to the sides of his neck, resting her thumbs on his cheeks. Her fingers grazing the skin below behind ear lobes. "I love you." Saying it a little quieter she whimpered again feeling herself getting closer to climaxing. She repeated it over and over again as her body was sent into overdrive, the hot wave of pleasure crashing over her whilst she continued to whisper out those three words.



"Now, tell me it meant somethin'." There was only silence filling the empty space. "Look me in the eye and say it, Nicki." Firmly gripping at her arms he turned her around to face him. She was crying hard and although it hurt him to see her like this, he needed to hear her say it.

"I can't."

"Yes you can." He leant in to her, his alluring eyes pulling her back to that moment. "Say it." She shook her head slowly, only stopping when she felt his hands on her damp cheeks. The breath caught in her throat almost immediately when he grazed his lips across hers. The tingly feeling was intense enough to pull a soft whimper from her as he ended the kiss. Their first kiss.  It seemed weird that they had been intimate more times than either could count yet this was only just their first kiss.

It was as if there was no turning back from then on. There was no way in Hell she could walk away from what he was initiating. Her heart was beginning to take the lead in this internal battle, silencing her mind instantly as she stared into his face again. She made the next move, pulling him into an urgent and passionate kiss. Their tongues wrestling with one another as things started to get heated, making the little space between them disappear as their bodies pressed together.

Breaking the kiss for air she panted heavily, studying his lips before focusing her attention on his eyes. "I love you."

Nothing was said for a moment, but his voice relaxed her when he finally did speak. "I love you too."

***

Remaining motionless under the sheets Nicki continued to stare at his muscular back as she lay behind him, biting her lip whilst her mind wandered. She couldn't believe she'd let it happen again. But this time it was different. This time it wasn't just sex. They made love. A corny phrase she never imagined she'd say but that's exactly what it was. A long night of love-making, stopping to eat and deal with Mica once Carol dropped him off of course, but once he was fed and settled in his crib for the night, they returned back to the guest bedroom and continued where they left off.

Her focus was snatched immediately away from his sleeping figure when she heard Mica's cries. Another early morning for them. He'd got into a horrible habit of waking earlier than usual and it was starting to take its toll on her. Blinking slowly she yawned and carefully climbed out of the bed. They never usually slept together after they'd had sex and it felt weird having actually spent the night with him. But she liked it. A lot. Her thoughts began to filter through all of their encounters in her mind as she made her way to Mica's room. The most distinct memory being their first.



"What?" She smiled quizzically at him and stopped painting her nails to hand him the joint. She'd felt his eyes on her the moment she entered the room in only a towel. Her hair dripping down her back whilst she leant forward to reach her feet.

"Nothin'."

"Mkay." Squinting back at him she went back to painting her nails a hot pink colour. "Y'know, Chantelle's been givin' you the glad eye for the longest time, right?"

"Who?" He sat forward on her bed and pushed her pillow off of his lap, exhaling the smoke casually by her window. Silently thanking God her parents were out of town for the weekend.

"Chantelle, she's in my drama class?" She looked up to see his face deep in thought.

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Well, whatever. She likes you."

"So?" He passed the joint back to her and lay back on her bed

"So, Aubrey, you should go talk to her. Ask her out." She spoke matter of factly and moved on to her right foot. He was watching her multitasking, quite remarkably might he add.

"That's like me tellin' you to go ask Eddie out. Would you?"

"Why you bein' so difficult? She's a sweet girl, you're a sweet guy and she likes you."

"I'ont like her though."

"Boy, you just told me you couldn't remember who she was." She laughed when she saw a smile creep across his face. She was copying him until something finally crossed her mind. "Actually, I ain't ever seen you with a girlfriend."

"Sure you have."

"No, I haven't." Quickly screwing the lid on her nail polish she tightened her towel around herself and shuffled over to him. "Budge." Poking his thigh for him to move she took a seat on the edge of the bed once he'd made space for her.

"Nic, I see where this is goin' and honestly you can just stop right there." He took the joint from her once again.

"Aubrey."

"Nicki."

"Aubrey, serioulsy, tell me the name of your last girlfriend!" Her giggle made him smile. "I'm your best friend, I would know if you'd had a girlfriend before. Just like you know I've only ever had one boyfriend." She blinked slowly, the marijuana already having an effect on her dainty frame.

"I'm not discussin' this with you right now." He laughed and remained laying on his back whilst she stared down at him.

"Why not?"

"That's like you talkin' 'bout your boy issues with me. You wouldn't feel comfortable with that, would you?" Shaking his head with a small smirk he blew the smoke up into her face, she just ignored his actions and wafted it away.

"Well, if I ever had like, a super huge issue that I needed to talk to someone about I'd wanna feel like I could talk to you about it." She looked down and shrugged a little, her eyes glazing over. "So I guessed you'd feel the same I s'pose." He watched her as she studied her newly painted nails, the courage was finally building up inside of him. His admittance soon to be heard.

"Nicki..." He trailed off hesitantly. "I've never had a girlfriend before." Full of shame, he avoided her stare. At seventeen years old he found this the most humiliating thing. It wasn't as if nobody was interested though, because they were. But being too afraid to put himself out there he'd never asked a girl out and nor had a girl ever summoned the bravery to approach him either.

"Really?" She rotated some more to meet his eyes, taking the blunt from him and ashing it out in the tray on her side table.

"Really."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, Nicki." He rubbed his head embarrassedly. "I just talk shit in fronna the guys 'cause it's embarrassin'."

"Aubrey, you don't have to be embarrassed. Plenty of girls like you." He carried on avoiding her gaze before she started talking again. "Is that why you're afraid-"

"To ask a girl out? Yeah." He finished off her sentence. Something they frequently did. "I never done it before, let alone..." He trailed off. "Y'know?"

She answered more quietly, being sensitive to his embarrassment. "Had sex?"

"Yeah." Their curent state was loosening them up a little, sometimes a good thing. Sometimes not.

"Well, neither have I." He knew she was trying to make him feel better but he honestly felt as though he would never get out of this rut. Never be able to overcome his fear.

"But it's different for girls though."

"Why is it?" Her brows pushed together waiting for an answer.

"I'onno, it just is." Finishing his measly sentence with a deep sigh he lay back again. Next to him, Nicki's mind was racing with thoughts but she was desperately trying to dismiss them all. This was going to take all of her courage and to do that she'd have to push her fear to the back of her mind.

Letting her eyes scan over him she found herself stuck on his face. He looked so despondent and that's when she realised how much this was bothering him. Thinking about it now she only just connected this with his recent down and miserable behaviour, she just figured it was stuff to do with his Dad not issues concerning his virginity. Feeling the bed move slightly Drake snapped out of his thoughts and looked back to Nicki after hearing her exhale shakily. He felt her hand wrap around his, securely pulling it towards herself.

"Nicki wha-" He sat up instantly when she pressed their hands on to her upper thigh. He didn't pull away from the warm, smooth touch though. "What are you doing?" She folded her lips momentarily and just continued to stare at him. Her eyes and face told him all he needed to know but he shook his head dismissively. "Nicki, we can't-" He cut himself off once again when she let her towel drop down, sat naked before him in all her glory. The silence was almost overwhelming but he couldn't for the life of him tear his eyes away. Instead he let them roam every inch of her exposed skin, he didn't care that she was watching nervously. Unwrapping her hand from his she lay it on top and guided it, encouraging him to feel her. As soon as he started gliding his palm up and down her thigh she began breathing more calmly. The most intimidating part was over, actually initiating the contact. She had no idea what she was doing and nor did he.

The more she melted into his touch the more daring he got, soon adding in a second hand on her other thigh before moving his right hand to the side of her stomach. Gripping at her side gently as he ran his thumb over the skin on her abdomen. Their eyes met when he proceeded to go higher, grazing his fingertips over the soft flesh of her breast. This was new to both of them, it was like blind leading the blind which is exactly why it was the prefect opportunity. The pair of them being so inexperienced took away that intimidating feeling, not to mention the fact that they knew each other so well. It felt safe.

"You're sure?" He spoke quietly, his hand still lingering beneath the fleshy part of her chest.

Pulling the towel away from herself completely she breathed out to relax some more and threw the fabric to the floor. "Positive." Trying to calm herself was proving to be pointless, for with each pressure filled squeeze he gave her she began to feel more and more breathy. 

This new kind of physical contact they were sharing was extremely weird at first, but she was actually starting to enjoy it. Understandably his confidence peaked when he noticed this too. Taking in every part of her face. Her parted lips, her flushed cheeks and her half closed eyes staring at him with want as she breathed slowly but heavily. Suddenly feeling his trousers tighten he looked down at his crotch, making her do the same. He knew she could definitely see it. Glancing back up at her swiftly he lost his nerve and pulled his hand away. This was wrong. She was his best friend. Although they were both affected by the joint they'd so happily shared, he still new this was crossing a boundary.

"What's wrong?"

"Nicki, this is weird, we can't." He stood up and went to grab her towel from the floor. "It's not you, I just don't want things to be strange between us." Turning back to hand her towel to her he stopped when he caught her looking directly at his erection. It was still very much present and now level with her eyes.

"Why stop now? You've already seen me naked." She peered down at herself before returning her stare to his crotch. "I showed you mine, now you show me yours."

...

Okay, as you can probably tell, this chapter was WAAAAAY out of my comfort zone, like, beyond that and I was close to not posting lol but I did it anyway. Also you prolly already guessed but when the text is white it's a flashback :))*