8. Snowball Effect

*Okay...So, I'm hoping to bring a little bit of drama to this fic in this chapter lol I just hope it's okay! :) I reeeaallly suck at writing more mature scenes lol it was probably a dumb decision to write a fic centred around this idea tbh -.- But oh well, I apologise if it was shit! Thanku so much for the comments on chapter 7!! :D*

Their taping was still in session. He'd started out with a feeling of urgency which, somehow turned into more of a passionate lovemaking scene rather than what he was aiming for. He didn't rush it though. Instead he took his time, showing her his love and making her feel the way she deserved to feel. The way Max could never make her feel. That being said, he did need to get the right footage for his tape. Thus, round two commenced after they'd laid side by side lovingly for an hour or so. Just exchanging kisses and uttering sweet sentences to one another. Things got a little more rough this time, something he knew she liked on the low.

Keeping the speed of his movement at a constant and steady pace, he continued to stroke in and out of her as she received each one of his thrusts with a throaty groan. He could feel the vibration of her grunts travel through his hand as he kept it wrapped securely around her neck. Her pulse quickening as her climax neared. He was being more rough than usual and feeling his body weight pressed firmly on to her back as his grip on her throat grew tighter was turning her on. The air being crushed out of her lungs whilst she lay on her front.

"Fuck. Oh God, Aubrey I'm gonna cum." Her words were only just breathed out with a struggle, his pace getting faster upon feeling her walls tighten around him.

"Cum with me." He was going deeper and harder than before, causing her face to scrunch up partly with pleasure and partly with pain. She was quiet for only a few seconds, the left side of her face being suffocated by the bed sheets. She could hear his groans of pleasure and her silence soon diminished when her body was thrown into a moment of pure bliss as she came. Her broken, high-pitched cries finished him off as he balled her hair up into his fist, pulling her head up as he filled her with his deposit. Her fifth and final orgasm still affecting her as he collapsed lightly on her back. His mouth was next to her right ear, his left hand now only lightly wrapped around her neck as she panted out in recovery. She could feel his heart beating rapidly through her back whilst he placed light kisses on her neck just below her lobe.

They stayed where they were for a while. Trying to regain enough energy to even speak. Finally feeling as though she needed air she shifted a little, telling him to move. He pulled out gently and lay next to her as she rolled on to her back. She looked completely spent.

"You okay?" His voice was rattly.

"Yeah." She smiled and nodded before grabbing his hand gently. "I'm fine, I just can't be assed gettin' up and goin' home now." Sighing miserably she rolled on to her side and studied their connected hands.

"I'ont want you to go either." He ran a finger over her flushed cheek. "But you wanna see Mica."

"Oh shit." She sat up quickly as she was reminded. "What time is it? I'm supposed to be on my way to my Mom's now." Flying off of the bed she started collecting her clothes in a hurry.

"I'll go start the shower." He stood up and started heading towards the bathroom.

"I don't have time, she's gonna start askin' questions." Looking flustered she started throwing her clothes on.

"What, so you're gonna go home to Max smellin' like another man? It'll take five minutes to rinse yourself off." He reasoned.

He was right and she knew it. Without another word she hopped in the shower and rinsed thoroughly before drying and re-dressing again.

"I'll call you-"

"No don't, I'll call you." She was talking, walking and pulling her coat on as she neared the front door. She was almost half an hour later than she'd told her Mom. Feeling his hand on her forearm she turned around to start talking irritably but he kissed her before she even got chance. It was one if those kisses that made her feel weak at the knees. One that was begging her to stay when she knew she couldn't.

Breaking the kiss he pulled back and wiped his thumb over her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too." They just stared for a few seconds before she was snatched back to the cruel reality of life and stepped away, shutting the door quietly behind herself. She really couldn't keep doing this and it became even more evident as to why when she reached her Mom's house.

***

"Do you want something to eat before you go home?" Carol smiled warmly, trying to hide her growing concern.

"No thanks, I gotta get back."

"But Lani and Kelise are here, you don't stay for a while?"

"Mommy, honestly, I'm really tired I need to get Mica home and fed." She wrinkled her brow apologetically. "But this weekend is free, maybe we could come over for dinner?"

"That's a great idea and of course, I understand. I bet work was tiring." She folded the dish cloth in her hands. "You have a busy night tonight?"

Upon hearing that question Jelani stalled in the hallway, not wanting to walk in on a possible argument. Instead he stayed put, listening intently to their conversation. Nicki was lying through her teeth and he knew his Mother would begin to ask questions and make her feel on the spot. That always led to an explosive confrontation. Especially on Nicki's part.

"Yeah, yeah it was pretty full on." She nodded whilst avoiding eye contact.

"I'll bet." She chuckled. "You look exhausted."

"Mhm, I was rushed off my feet." Rubbing the back of her neck guiltily she was about to speak again but Carol beat her to it. Her voice was more accusative this time.

"You do know the restaurant was shut tonight, don't you?"

Her body froze and her mouth went dry. How the hell was she supposed to answer that? And she knew this was just the start. There was absolutely no trust in their relationship any more. They both felt it but mostly Nicki. There was this overwhelming sense of shame that hung over her like a cloud whenever her Mother was around and it bothered her deeply.

"W-what are you talkin' about? It's always busy on Fridays." She shook her head and tried to laugh it off but her lies were all catching up to her and fast.

"Onika, don't you dare stand there and lie to my face." She snarled and threw the cloth back into the sink. "Jelani told me. He said there was a shortage of kitchen staff, the place was closed for the night." Pausing for a second she moved closer to her daughter. "Why are you lying to me, Onika? Where were you, really?"

This was it. She could feel the years of pent up anger and unspoken feelings trying to pry their way out. The amount of blame, embarrassment and disappointment her Mother threw at her was damaging and now it was all coming to a head. Her lip curled with anger before she spoke. "I am not bout to stand here and be interrogated like I'm some sort of-"

"Some sort of what?" Her eyes widened as she cut her daughter off mid-sentence. "Some sort of criminal?  A drug addict?!"

"Recovering." She corrected her quickly, trying to remain calm but she could feel herself getting more and more worked up. "I'm a recovering addict, Mom."

She scoffed. "Once an addict, always an addict. You're going to be recovering for the rest of your life."

"Why are you always doing this to me?!" She yelled. "I've been clean for over a year, yet one thing happens that ain't even drug -related and you start firin' all this shit at me like ammo you've had stored up all these months!" Hitting her hand repeatedly against her other palm she felt the tears surfacing. "You always make me feel about this big!" Stepping closer to her Mother she motioned with her fingers. "Let me live in the present! Stop rakin' all this bullshit up from the past every time you've lost tabs on where I am and what I'm doing!"

On the other side of the door, Jelani could hear how upset she was becoming. He knew she was crying but that wouldn't stop his Mother. Sometimes they were one and the same. She would carry on like a machine until she got to the bottom of her daughter's whereabouts this evening. Whether Nicki was sobbing her heart out or not.

"It's going to take a lot longer than a few months to gain back our trust, Onika. Especially since it's not just you we're thinking about now." She stopped before speaking again more loudly. "There's a child involved in all of this! So, you can either tell me where you were tonight, or we can keep on going in circles like we are now." She shrugged emotionlessly having stated her ultimatum. Honestly, seeing her daughter stood before in such a painful state was heartbreaking but if her suspicions were correct and Nicki was using again, there was no way she was risking it.

"Y'know what? I'm not gon' stick around and put up with this. Especially not from you." She sniffled hard and tried wipe her tears away. "I thought you trusted me."

"I did and I do. But when you start lying and hiding things from us is when we start to suspect something is wrong!"

"What, so I can't have any part of my life be private any more?" She frowned harshly and stared her Mother down. "I suppose I should start spillin' now then. Whattya want to know first? Hm?" She laughed without any trace of humor showing.

Jelani was cringing with regret on the other side of the door. He wished he'd never opened his mouth now. His sister was hurting beyond words could describe and he could tell by only the cracking of her voice as she cried. It was moments like these which made him desperately worry about her relapsing.

"Don't be ridiculous, I never said that." Her Mother hissed.

"But it's what you meant though! You can't know where I am twenty-four seven, Mom! I'm an adult for God's sake!" Finishing off her rage-filled sentence she swiped violently at a glass on the table. Only the smashing could be heard as it made contact with the kitchen tiles. She was shaking with fury before her breathing ceased momentarily once she heard Mica's faint cries.

"I'm not gonna deal with this every time you question my sobriety! I need for you to trust me! But you don't! I need for you to stop blaming me and making me feel like such a let-down! You're the reason I'm the way that I am!" She shook her head tearfully, shocked at the words she just screamed at her own Mom. She needed to her it though. No doubt about it. All the angst from the last few years was finally surfacing, but she didn't feel better from this venting session. She felt horrible. Even more so when her Mother didn't respond and instead walked slowly over to the dustpan and brush as she started sweeping the glass shards up.

"Go home Onika."

"Mom-"

"No, I don't want to hear your mouth right now. You've made yourself perfectly clear."

Dropping her hands by her sides defeatedly she folded her lips as she shook. The tears still running down her face. She was petrified of these kind of run-ins with her Mother. The last one had resulted in an almost fatal overdose when she was nineteen. If it wasn't for Jelani finding her she wouldn't even be here right now.

Pulling the kitchen door open she came face to face with her brother. Not uttering a word she pushed past him as she started crying harder, running up the stairs and straight to the spare room where Mica stayed. He was secured in Kelise's embrace as she tried to soothe him.

"I don't know what's wrong with him, he won't stop crying." She looked worried. Even more so when she saw the state Nicki was in.

"He's hungry. I'mma take him home now." She held her arms out to take him but Kelise stayed stationary.

"Nicki, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just hand me my son so I can take him home, please?" Receiving a look that said "Don't test me" she decided to co-operate. As soon as Mica was in his Mother's arms her familiar scent comforted him and he calmed down almost instantly. Making sure he was secured against her body, she held him with one arm and grabbed his baby bag as she slung it over her shoulder.

She didn't say another word to Kelise as she stormed back down the stairs, her Mother was still sat solemnly in the kitchen and Jelani was obstructing the front door.

"Move."

He held his arms out. "Not until you've calmed down."

"You got three seconds to move outta my way." Her nostrils flared.

"You not leavin' until you've simmered down, Nic." He tried to usher her back into the lounge room but his upper arm was met by her small, balled up fist.

"The fuck outta my way Jelani!"

The moment her voice and body language became hostile Mica began to squirm as he picked up on the bad energy his Mother was emitting. Jelani moved quickly to avoid being hit again and getting Mica caught between them.

He wanted to chase after her so badly. The memories of last time this happened still haunted him but he knew chasing her would just make things worse right now. Instead he watched her leave in an absolute state, the front door slamming before him as Kelise stood in shock on the stairs.

"Jay, what the hell happened?"

He breathed out slowly. "My Mom is what happened." Hitting the door frame in a moment of heightened temper he yelled out before rubbing his head and face. "I told her to just fuckin' leave it!"

"Leave what?" She approached him cautiously before resting a soft hand on his tatted arm. "Did somethin' go down with Nicki?"

He didn't respond and only looked at her sadly before he made his way back to the kitchen. He wanted answers.

***

She got home much quicker than she'd anticipated. How she managed to even make it with all the tears stinging at her eyes was a miracle in itself. Just sitting in the parked car once she'd entered the garage she cried for what felt like hours before Mica's grumbles brought her back to the moment. He was probably close to starving by now.

"Okay, we're goin' in now." She unbuckled herself as she cooed to her baby before getting out and removing him from his car seat. His diaper needed changing too. She tried hard to stop crying but it was as if the barrier was down for good and she couldn't stop. Her mind was completely clouded. Everything that was happening with Drake and now this argument with her Mother, she didn't know what to do or think. Right now she just wanted to lay in bed with her baby boy held close to her. He was the only one not causing her any grief or heartache at the moment.

Kicking the door shut with her foot she let the baby bag drop to the floor, readjusting Mica in her arms before heading to the stairs.

"Where've you been?" His deep voice made her jump. He was sat in the lounge-room, drink in hand and face looking stony as hell.

"Oh my God. Please, not you too." She shook her head, more tears coming loose. "I can't fucking deal with this right now, I'm going to bed."

"Answer the question, Onika." He leapt from the chair and followed her up the stairs when she ignored him. He wanted a confession and he would go to any length to get one. Nobody made a fool out of him. Especially not his damaged wife and a struggling camera-man with no apparent direction in life. He needed to hear her say it. That's all he wanted.

"I was working, Max! You already know that!" She immediately regretted yelling when their son started crying again. "Look, I'm tired, I'm fed up and I just wanna go to sleep." Sobbing her sentence out she tried to avoid his gaze before laying Mica on their bed. He didn't say anything and just kept staring at her.

"Since when did you start clockin' outta work at 12am, Nicki?"

"I was at my Mom's house for a while." She sniffled and pulled Mica's onsey open as she started undressing him.

"Y'all had a argument or somethin'?" His voice was softer now, making him less daunting to converse with. He was unpredictable and quite scary at the best of times.

"An argument? No." She bit her lip attempting to force the tears back as he approached her cautiously, aware of the distress she was in.

"What then?"

"It's nothin' I wanna talk about right now Max, please." Finally fixing Mica's clean diaper in place she picked him up and held his naked body to her chest as she moved through to his bedroom. Unfortunately Max was actually paying attention to her for once and followed her through. When he reached the doorway she was putting a sleep suit on him as he lay on his changing table.

"Doesn't seem like nothin'." He probed.

"Y'know, Max. Just the usual shit she dishes out to me."

"Whattya mean?" He stepped into the room, intrigued to hear what she had to say.

"You know damn well what I mean." There was a long pause whilst he thought.

"She ask you if you was usin' again?"

Receiving no response it only took him a second or two to notice her shoulders shuddering as her hand moved up to her face. To say she was completely beside herself with upset was a vast understatement. She was an emotional wreck.

It only worsened when she felt his strong arms pull her to him, holding her tight as she let it all out. It made her feel like shit. All the betrayal and the sneaking around behind his back yet here he was, comforting her as she had a mini meltdown in his grasp. Don't get him wrong, he hated what she was doing but at the end of the day he did still love her and she was the Mother of his child. Seeing her in such a way was a horrible thing to experience.

What was lurking around the corner however, would have him riled beyond comparison.

...

*Okay so I reeeaaallly struggled with this chapter because of all the dialogue and the opening scene ._.
lol I'm not a brilliant writer to begin with and dialogue is definitely not my strong point so I'm sorry if it was a mess :O Thanku to those who commented last chapter :D And I hope this was alright! :/*

7. Suppressed Fury

*First of all I wanna thank you guys sooo much for your comments, I never imagined people would actually like this. So I'm super thankful :) Also I plan on continuing this for a while so there will be drama and other issues cropping up but that's all part of a story, right? Lol anyway, I hope this is alright for you guys.*

Awaking the next morning, Nicki had half expected it to be still dark outside but instead the sun was shining brightly through her window. Sitting her self up she glanced over at the clock and blinked hard. Surely she must be seeing things. It was almost 10am. The latest Mica ever woke her was 7. She was dead set on flying out of the bed to check on him, but noticing Max's cases she relaxed figuring he was home. After dealing with her morning rituals she headed downstairs and found them in the kitchen. This really was a rare sight. Max cooking whilst Mica lay peacefully in his carrier seat.

"You got home last night?"

He jumped hearing her voice. "Yeah, I didn't wanna wake you." Shutting off the noise of the frying pan he lay the eggs and bacon on to two plates before setting them on the kitchen island and embracing her. "I missed you." He kissed on her neck lovingly before meeting her lips with his.

"I missed you too." Breaking the contact she hit his arm. "But I'm still mad at'chu for leavin' me with a Goddam note, Max."

"I know, baby. That was an asswipe move, I'm sorry."

She sighed and moved over to Mica. "You can make it up to me, I'll think of somethin'." Smiling sweetly she began removing Mica from the chair. "Why was he in there?"

"I had nowhere to put him while I was cookin'. I wanted to make you breakfast in bed. Y'know? To say sorry."

"I already told you, it's fine. Just don't do it again. I'ont want you runnin' 'round after me all week tryna apologise, Max. That shit gets real annoyin', real fast."

"A'ight, so let's call this my apology then." Motioning to the plates of food, she stared at them for a second before looking up at him as she tried to comfort Mica since he started to fuss.

"Sure." She smiled. "I'll just go lay him down."

"Don't be too long." He sang after her as she left.

She had no idea why but she couldn't hold back her tears. It was the weirdest sensation since usually something would initiate the crying. But there was nothing. The only thing she could think of was the fact that Max was home and she felt like everything that had happened whilst he was away would disappear. Like a cloud of smoke she wouldn't be able to catch and hold on to forever. Hearing Mica's grouchy grunt, she was pulled back to reality as she stood bouncing him lightly, just staring out of his window.

***

"You don't want your bacon?" His voice sounded utterly shocked as he picked up her plate to clear it away.

"Oh, no thanks. I'm not hungry."

"It's turkey bacon."

"Mhm, I know." She nodded and smiled, letting him know everything was alright. "I'm gonna go take a shower. If Mica wakes up, there's breast milk in the refrigerator." Getting down from the stool she headed towards the door when she heard him breathe in, ready to speak. But she beat him to it.

"Just sit the bottle in a cup of hot water, Max."

"Got it."

It seemed almost ridiculous that their baby was five months old now and Max still had no idea how to warm his milk. She shook her head angrily and muttered all the way up the stairs, the more she was in his presence the more tempted she was to leave this life and allow herself the happiness of being with the man she loved. But her fear was too overshadowing. Letting her mind go blank in the shower temporarily felt so good, the hot water falling over her body whilst she rinsed her hair. Wiping the suds from her eyes she frowned and looked around after feeling the cool air hitting her water-beaded body. Before she could anticipate it the shower door pulled open as Max stepped in.

"Max, what are you doing?" Trying to cover herself a little she let her eyes follow his frame as he got closer and closer.

"I'm takin' a shower with my wife." He leant down and kissed her, running his hands down her sides and bringing them to a halt once they reached her hips. "As long as she doesn''t mind?" He smiled lovingly.

"No, no of course not but I'm almost done."

"Good, 'cause I didn't need to shower anyway." He closed the gap between them again, pushing her gently up against the tiled wall as he drew her into another kiss, this time it was more urgent and before she knew it her tongue was wrestling his. He pulled away after only a few seconds, making her turn around. He always wanted it from behind.

"Max, I d-" Her voice ceased when she felt his hand reach around and start massaging between her legs. His erection was right there, she could feel it on her back as his lips made contact with the back of her neck. His actions were sensual, loving and affectionate but there was something missing. Feeling his other hand push down gently on her lower back, she took that as her cue to bend over some more, gripping as best she could at the slippery, tiles. The moment he entered her she just wanted it to end.

Of course, as soon as their shower round was over her wanted to start round two in the bedroom. He was completely spent, laying asleep next to her as she just let her mind run wild. She felt disgusting. This was exactly what she was talking about. Swapping between them was definitely not an option. She had to make a choice and soon. Her worries and thoughts stopped as soon as she heard a car rolling up the driveway, followed shortly by someone knocking at the door. Tying her robe as she rushed down the stairs she pulled her wet hair to one side, letting it drape over her right shoulder.

"Just a second." She made it to the door in a fluster, only to open in and see Drake stood before her. "Aubrey, what are you doin' here?" Her voice sounded quiet and surprised, usually he'd just walk in.

He scanned her appearance carefully, noticing the passion marks patterning the skin on her neck and upper chest. Marks not left by his touch. "Am I interruptin' somethin'?" Flaring his nostrils slightly he shifted before her.

"No, I just got outta the shower." She pulled her gown tighter around herself feeling the cold air. "Are you gonna come in or what?" Her mouth turned into a smile but he couldn't push away the angry feelings.

"I only came to get my camera." Walking past her into the house coldly he headed through to the kitchen with her following. "I'll let y'all get back to whatever you were doin' before I intruded."

"Aubrey, don't be like that."

"What?"

"You're actin' all angry. I thought you were okay with this?" She lowered her voice and placed her hand on his arm. How was it that one simple and innocent gesture from her could calm him in an instant? That was a mystery he'd take to the grave.

"I know." He sighed heavily and leant against the counter. "So, he's home then?"

"He got back late last night." Crossing her arms over her chest she stood across from him and rested on the island. The fabric of her robe was pulled tight, letting him see she was bra-less. And it was cold. "How's your uncle?"

"Hm? Oh yeah." He shook his head in an attempt to remove the images of her naked body from his mind. "He's fine, thanks. Just a scare."

"Good."

A silence fell upon them. Not an uncomfortable, screaming silence like the ones with Max. This was an empty and calm sort of quiet. One she'd only ever have with Drake.

"So, you're still on for tonight?" Reaching his hand up slowly he rubbed at the back of his neck, almost as if he was nervous about asking.

She paused whilst she tried to contemplate her answer. As much as she wanted to say no in order to stop this situation from getting any messier, she knew she couldn't. She was addicted.

"Yeah, what time?"

"Whenever you're ready." He smiled and moved over to where she was stood, trapping her between his body and the island counter top.

"Aubrey." Raising her hand she placed it gently in the middle of his chest and kept him at bay. "Max is right upstairs, stop it." Pushing him away gently she moved to the kettle and pushed the button down, only hearing him sigh as she did so. She knew his patience would soon start running out.

"Hey Drake, I ain't hear you get here." Both of theirs head jolted in the direction from which his voice came.

"Max, I didn't know you were up." She paused and looked back to Drake as he gave Max a nod to say 'Hello'. "He just came to pick up his camera, have you seen it anywhere?"

"This it?" He raised his hand, the camera resting gently in his palm. No words were spoken as Nicki's heart moved up to her throat. The fear taking over her mind. What if he'd seen what was on there?

"Yeah, yeah that's it. Thanks man." Drake saved the situation from becoming awkward and took the camera, smiling back at Max as he just did the same.

"No problem. Found it upstairs on the nightstand." He entered the kitchen some more and took a seat at the breakfast bar. Now the excuses began.

"Yeah, he let me borrow it yesterday. I was filming Mica." Playing with her hands nervously she moved her attention back to her husband. "Your parents wanted me to send over some videos of him."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." He chuckled lightly. "Mom got an iPhone last week anyway, we can prolly try and facetime her instead."

"Oh, good. That saves me the hassle then." She folded her lips and made eye contact with Drake when Max turned his attention to the paper as he began to read. They were sharing a silent conversation with their eyes which was quickly turning into more of an argument, Drake backed down first.

"Anyhow, I got a lotta shit to get on with today. Thanks for this and I'll see y'all later."

"No worries."

"I'll walk you out." Glancing quickly back at Max as she closed the kitchen door she felt relieved when she noticed his face was stuck back in the paper.

"You left your fucking camera in our bedroom!" Her hushed yell matched her angry face as she stared him down in the front doorway.

"I forgot, Nicki. Soon as I heard about my uncle I just left. I didn't think." He studied her expression as he spoke, her hand gliding up her forehead and over her hair as she exhaled.

"Please, just be more careful?"

"It was a one off. I'm sorry." Leaning down quickly he stole a kiss from her lips, he knew she wasn't mad anymore by the way she melted into him, kissing him back before she pulled away.

"I'll see you tonight."

"Lookin' forward to it." Giving her a little smirk he tapped his camera and walked backwards a few steps before turning and getting in his car. No matter how close he liked to call things and how on edge she sometimes felt because of that, she could never not want him. She bit her lip and watched him head out of the driveway, her mind wandering back to how good he made her feel. Had she just made her decision?

"He still on all that filmin' shit?" He didn't even move his eyes from the paper as she re-entered the room.

"It's his profession, Max. Why you gotta make it sound like some dumb fantasy he's chasin' after?" She curled her lip and splashed some milk into her coffee.

"Aye, calm down. I was just askin'." He turned the page. "You workin' tonight?"

"Yeah. Just a couple hours, clearin' up tables. Why?"

"Y'know, you don't have to feel as though you gotta contribute to earnin' any money, Nic. Mica needs you here. I can bring home the bacon."

"That's not why I work, Max." Turning to face him irritably she held her coffee cup close, sipping at it between words. "Sometimes it's just nice to step away from the 'Mommy' routine for a lil' bit. Maybe you could spend the time with our son tonight? Since you're off work."

"Can't. I gotta go down to the office and sort through some papers." He folded the paper and sat it back on the counter. "But how about tomorrow night, the three of us stay home and do stuff together? Y'know, as a family?"

"Really?" She looked shocked. The anger she'd initially started to feel was over-ridden by surprise.

"Yeah, why not? It's been a while since we had any time together." He stood up and moved towards her.

You promise you're not gonna bail last minute?"

"I promise." He let his hands snake around her waist, burying his face in her neck once again. Now her mind really was beginning to feel torn. Her heart wasn't though. Her heart yearned only for Drake but right now she was trying to think of Mica and what was best for him. Unfortunately it didn't seem to be best for her.

***

"I'll be finished around eleven, that okay?" She looked hopeful as her Mother secured Mica in her arms and rocked him gently.

"The longer I get to spend with my grandbaby, the better." She kissed his little head affectionately before smiling at her. "Just don't be working yourself too hard, Nika."

"I won't." She smiled gratefully even though she felt a rush of guilt wash over her. She was pawning her own baby off on her Mother so she could go and spend some time in the bedroom with the man she was having an affair with. Thinking of it like that made her feel so small but she managed to pull herself back to the moment. "Anyway, his bottles are in his bag and his blanket is in there too. I'll call you when I finish." She leant forward and kissed her baby's head sweetly before pecking her Mother's cheek. "Thanks, Mom."

"It's not a problem, Onika." She smiled and pushed her out of the door. "Now go, you're going to be late."

The whole ride to Drake's apartment, her mind was trying to process all the sneaking and the lying that was occurring in order to keep this dirty little secret hidden. It could only be so long before she'd get caught up in her own web of deceit. As soon as she arrived at his apartment block she tried to run away from her mind and her conscience, speedily walking to the buzzer. He let her up immediately.

"Hey, I thought you weren't gonna show for a minute."

She didn't answer him as she took a seat on the bed in the basement and shrugged out of her coat. "Sorry, I had to wait 'til Max had gone to the office."

"But he knows you're out, right?" He sat down next to her.

"Yeah, he thinks I'm workin'."

"And Mica?"

"I just dropped him off with my Mom." She wasn't making eye contact, prompting him to touch her leg.

"Nic? You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem it." He paused whilst caressing her thigh lovingly. "It's about us, isn't it?"

There was a loud and ugly silence before her voice cracked. "No. It's not us, Aubrey. I just......After what nearly happened today I'ont know how much longer I can keep this up, y'know? It was okay before, it was just sex but now..." She trailed off. "It seems so much more wrong."

"It's wrong for you to have shown your true feelin's?" His hand squeezed at her thigh. "Do you love me?" She nodded, but it wasn't enough. "Say it out loud. I wanna hear you say it, Nicki."

"I love you." The minor hesitation didn't worry him, for she easily uttered the words.

"And I love you too." He kissed her lightly and although it was small, it had so much more meaning to it than any one of Max's kisses.

That light kiss soon turned into more light kisses which then somehow transpired into a violent liplock. Her hand gripping tightly at the back of his neck as she pulled him as close to her as she could. Their breathing was laboured as both of them struggled for air. He pulled away first, moving back just enough to stare into her eyes.

"You sure about this then?"

"Roll the tape."

He didn't need to be told twice. Kissing her again he stood up and moved over to the tripod and started sorting things out. This was the first time she'd really felt nervous about any of this. She stayed sat on the bed, waiting for him to move over to her again.

"You gonna get undressed?" Positioned behind the video camera he studied her closely. The want in her eyes matched his.

"Not by myself." She smirked. "You undress me." He was over at the bed in a flash. Tearing her shirt up over her head and tossing the clothing to the side before resting his hands over her bra cups as he felt on her.

"Damn, you look so good." Pushing her back gently he moved down to her jeans and undid them before sliding them over her thighs. He was in a rush and the way he was handling her with so much urgency was turning her on. Now laying in only her underwear she could feel the anticipation building as he played with the hem of her thong.

"Please, Aubrey." She moaned out and grabbed his hand to stop it from pulling away. He knew she wanted it bad, as did he, but teasing her was too much fun. He moved his hands to rest on either side of her hips, lowering his head down slowly he used his teeth and tugged at the material covering his destination. Removing them completely with his mouth, he tossed her underwear to the side as they joined the rest of her clothes. Her bra was the last to leave her body. Hearing just how heavily she was breathing made him even more determined to give her more than he'd ever given before. Her soft moans mixed in with her panting were just the result of his hands gliding over her chest and abdomen, once again stopping when he reached the place she wanted him to go. First she'd have to be begging for it.


Back at Mama Carol's house, it was the complete opposite and things were settling down for the night. Fortunately for her, Jelani and Kelise had paid her a visit to keep her company.

"You sure you don't want anythin' to eat or drink?"

"No we're fine thanks, Carol." Kelise smiled up at her before returning her focus to Mica who was laying fast asleep in her arms. "He's so cute. I can't believe it's been five months already. It feels like only yesterday we was vistin' him in hospital." She cooed over him and held his tiny hand up.

"I know, he's grown so fast." Jelani smiled. "How's Nic doin'?"

"She's doing great. She's going to be  finished work in a couple hours, you should stay and say hello."

"She's workin'?"

"Yeah, she's down at the restaurant." As his Mother spoke Jelani looked across at Kelise and frowned. "What is it?"

"Well, we just been past the restaurant and it was shut. It's been closed all day, not enough kitchen staff."

"No, that can't be right. She told me she was clearing tables."

"Ma, I'm tellin' you that restaurant was completely unoccupied."

"He's right Carol. It looked dead in there." Kelise nodded and got to her feet. "You want me to go lay him down?"

"Yes, please." Kelise took this opportunity to leave and let them talk in private.

"Where in God's name is she then?" Her voice was full of panic and worry.

"Look, maybe she wasn't told it was closed." He looked hopefully at her and nodded. "She might even be on her way back here now. We gotta relax a lil' bit, let her know that we have faith in her. Okay?"

"I know what you're saying and I'm not trying to accuse her of anything but we have to be careful, Jelani." She widened her eyes. "I can't help but think back on all the times we almost lost her, I never want to have to see her like that again!" Carol's outburst had her close to tears as Jelani stood to comfort her.

"Do you think she'd ever consider doin' somethin' that could possibly harm her child?"

"She would never-"

"Well, there you go then. We have to believe in her, Ma. We have to trust her."

***

The papers and figures were becoming increasingly more difficult to concentrate on. The fury within his being was bubbling, but not yet overflowing. He was stewing on his thoughts. The disgust was riddling his mind, yet he couldn't stop replaying what he'd seen. Drake and Nicki. Under his roof. He shook his head and slammed is laptop shut. Images of his hands running all over her body, his mouth on her skin as he pleasured her. They just wouldn't leave him alone. But what was most infuriating to him was the fact that he had satisfied his wife better than he ever could.

...

*I hopeeee this was alright for you guys :) Thanku so much for all the previous comments and I'm gonna try and post on Frozen and Sweet Dreams today too ^.^*

6. On The Same Page? - Part Two

*Thanku for all the comments guys! Hope this is okay :) And thanku to everyone who read and commented on my other new fic Frozen *

"Mhm....What? No, I just....I wish you'd tell me these things instead of runnin' off and leavin' me with a note, Max." She held the phone to her ear and used her hands to lay a sleeping Mica gently in his crib. "Why can't you just talk to me? Is it really that difficult?" There was silence as she listened to his excuse and left Mica's room. "Mkay....Alright, whatever. I'll talk to you later....Love you too." Hanging the phone up in a strop she threw it on to her bed and sighed.

"Was that Max?"

"Yeah." There was a short silence. "He's comin' home tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? I thought he was gon' be away for eight days?" Moving closer to her tiny frame he wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his head on her shoulder.

"Mm, I did too."

"So, what happens now?"

"What do you mean?" Frowning a little she rested her hands over his as they lay around her waist still.

"I mean with us, what's gon' happen?"

"Drake, please. I don't even know what fuckin' day it is let alone what the hell I'mma do about all of this." She pushed his hands from her and headed into the bathroom with him following.

"I'm not askin' you to make a decision, you know that right?"

"I know you're not but I can't keep switchin' between the both of you like this. It's not fair, to anyone."

"Why? We've been doin' this since before you even met Max."

"That ain't the point, Aubrey. And besides, it's different now. How many times do I have to say that?" She raised her voice a little and began to undress as he sat himself on the side of the bath tub.

"What, because we voiced our feelin's? Nic, that makes no difference. Those feelin's were always there and always will be." He stood up and walked over to her as she removed her shorts. "I don't know about you but I've always felt this way."

"And you know I have too-"

"So then what's the problem?"

"Aubrey-"

"It's just the same as before, only better." He smiled and pulled her reluctant frame closer, unclasping her bra at the same time as they once again pressed their bare chests against one another.

"How's it better? I feel like a cheatin' low life."

"You're not one of those, I promise you." Leaning down he kissed her delicately before pulling away to stare at her again. Just the way she looked at him was enticing enough, he'd never experienced anything like this before and nor had she.

"I'm havin' an affair with my best friend slash fuck buddy." She smirked up at him and managed to make him smile.

"Well, when you put it like that-"

"Drake!" As soon as she shrieked his name and slapped his chest he couldn't restrain his laughter.

"I'm just playin' Nic! But really though." He turned serious again and re-embraced her. "If Max had been a better husband, would you still be lookin' to me for affection and satisfaction?" Sweeping the hair from her face he continued to study her expression as she thought. She looked so cute and pensive.

"No, I guess not." Moving closer to him she let him envelope his arms all the way around her whilst she rested her head on his chest. "But he's such a great Father and I-"

"Is he?"

"Yeah of course he is! Why would you even say that?"

"What's he ever done with Mica?"

"He pays-"

"Nah." He interrupted her yet again, making her become frustrated. "So he's a good Father 'cause he pays for stuff?" He moved back to look her in the eye. "I meant what does he actually do with Mica that makes him such a great Father?"

That question stumped her. She honestly couldn't remember the last time Max did anything with their child. He fed him a couple times after he was born when she was too tired and maybe changed a few diapers here and there but other than that he really paid him no interest.

"Nothing. I can't even remember the last time I even saw him holdin' Mica." By the small frown on her face he could tell she was only just realising how things were. Obviously with her own Dad being very absent she just assumed sticking around was the best quality in a Father. And so Max's payments and financial security made him the best Father ever in her eyes, but now things had been brought to light.

"I'm not tryin' paint him in a bad way, Nic. I just need for you to see that you and Mica deserve a lot more than what he's offerin'."

Nothing else was said as her mind slipped into a state of turmoil. She couldn't carry on like this, she'd have to choose whether she liked it or not. It wasn't so much the decision that was scaring her but the gamble that went with it. Should she stay with Max and ensure herself and Mica a struggle free life and be miserable, or should she take a chance at being happy and hope things turn out for the best? Right now, trusting on only hope was a dangerous bet she wasn't sure she was ready to make.

***

"I can't believe you managed to talk me into this." She shook her head and unstrapped mica from his car seat. His little swimming shorts almost looking like a trousers in his tiny legs.

"It'll be fun and besides when was the last time you did this?" He stood proudly and looked out across the beach.

"I don't remember and I don't want to. You had this planned."

"Obviously, I had to go buy Mica some shorts." He turned around to look at them both as she stood sourly, her shades covering her angry eyes and Mica taking in these new surroundings.

"Well, don't think you're takin' my baby out to sea. The bath tub is scary enough."

"He can come paddle with me, come on." He grabbed her bags and towels and let her follow as they made their way on to the sand. Honestly she was actually very happy to be out of the house and doing something with Mica but at the same time she still had that horrible nagging question at the back of her mind. Who was she going to choose? Stepping on to the sand was the best feeling to her, the last time she'd been on a beach was when her and Max first met. A long time ago, it felt good to be back.

After choosing a spot, they set up the umbrella and lay their towels out to sit on. It wasn't super busy but there were a fair few people out enjoying the day with their kids.

"You comin' in with me?"

"Nope, go by yourself. We don't wanna get all wet and cold." She pulled Mica up and held him again since she'd only just managed to clean all of the sand out of his mouth. He'd once again rolled on to his belly and got stuck, eating a mouthful of sand in the process.

"What? Come on, Nic. I promise we won't go far." He stared down, giving her the face she could never say no to.

"Oh my God, fine." Helping herself up on to her feet she plopped Mica's little sun hat on and held him more securely. "But we're only paddling and we're going no further than my knees." She was feeling kind of apprehensive about the fact that Mica was only five months old. He couldn't even sit up unaided let alone go off swimming.

"That's all I'm askin'." He held his hand out for her to grab and led her down to the waters edge. She hated to admit it but it did feel nice to dip her toes in and Mica obviously recognised this was a different experience since he started to kick his legs around and squawk a little.

"It's so warm, I love it." She smiled and turned to face him as he took Mica.

"Has he ever been to the beach before?"

"Nope, this is his first time."

"Well, we should prolly introduce him to the ocean then." He turned Mica around in his arms so instead of being chest to chest he was holding him with his little back to his own torso.

"Aubrey, don't go too far." She felt her heart quicken as Drake began wading into the water with her baby, prompting her to follow.

"It's fine, Nic. See, he likes it." He smiled at his little legs kicking faster as soon as his toes touched the water.

"Please, I don't-"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do but-"

"So it's fine then, that's all there is to it. You trust me and you know nothin's gon' happen to him." He looked in to her shaded eyes and made her relax a little. "Come on."

She took his hand which he offered out to her and let him take them in a little further. Thankfully he stopped when the water reached just below his rib-cage. Mica's whole body was submerged though and she'd never seen him look so happy.

"He looks so goofy." She laughed when he threw his small fists up and down and hit the water excitedly before Drake let her take him. Today was something she honestly needed, some fun out with her best friend and her baby. One last day of fun before Max returned and things went back to how they were.

The rest of the day was spent at the beach, just lounging around and going in and out of the ocean before they decided to make a move. Nicki couldn't believe how long they'd been out for, it went so fast and now here they were sat in the parked car eating ice cream. Mica was long gone, he'd fallen asleep almost two hours ago and was still out for the count in his car seat.

"You have fun today?"

"Are you kidding? That was the most fun I've had in a long time." She smiled and licked her ice cream some more. "Thank you, Aubrey. I really needed it."

"You don't have to thank me, it was fun. I love spendin' time with you guys." Looking back at Mica he smiled. "He definitely had a fun day."

"I know! I've never seen such a gummy smile." She laughed and covered her mouth politely. He could tell there was something on her mind that was bothering her and even though today helped her forget, even for just a minute, but as soon as she was home again it would be back. Before he got chance to ask, she beat him to it. "Aubrey, there's somethin' I wanna say."

"Go ahead, I'm listenin'."

"It's about you and me. This thing we have." There was silence as he waited for her to continue. "I just want you to know that I really do love you and I'll still help you with your tape but I'm not ready to walk away from Max. I can't do it, I-"

"Hey." He grabbed her arms gently once he'd finished his cone. "Stop worryin' about it. I meant what I said this mornin', I'm not gon' make you choose. Max is your husband, I understand that."

"But I wanna keep what we have together." She motioned between them and looked down. "I'ont wanna lose this feeling I have but I'ont wanna risk losing everything else, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

"I get it, Nic." His voice was so soft and gentle, it always seemed to put her at ease whenever he spoke to her. "So what are you sayin'?"

"I don't even know. I guess, I wanna carry on how we were but I'm not ready to make a decision yet."

"So, nothin' changes? We stay how we were?" She nodded shyly and looked up to see the disappointment in his face. It was heart-breaking to see him so sad because of her. "I'm not gonna say no, Nicki. If this is the only way I can be with you right now then I'll take it."

"I'm not sayin' that I'll never make a decision. I will, I promise I will. I just need time."

"Time?"

"To think things over."

"But you said you loved me."

"I know and I'm not saying that I don't."

"Then what's makin' this decision so difficult for you?"

"I'm scared, Aubrey!" Her loud yell was followed by an even louder silence. "Beyond that, even! I'm fuckin' terrified of what might happen if things go wrong! What I might lose." She toned down her voice when she remembered Mica was sleeping, not to mention the fact that Drake looked deeply regretful about pressing her for answers.

"I know." Sighing lengthily he turned back to face forward out of the windscreen. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be pressin' you."

"I just need to get things straight in my mind first." She touched his hand gently and smiled when he looked up at her. Deep down he was just praying she'd see sense and leave Max behind.

Only a state away, quite the opposite was happening. Max had been on the phone for nearly forty minutes trying to arrange his flight home for the next evening. He was having no such luck though.

"I'm sorry, sir." The young phone clerk scrolled through her computer whilst talking. "There are no flights going out tomorrow evening. The only available flights I can get you are 9:30pm this evening or 10pm and if not, the next available flights aren't 'til Thursday evening."

"So, there's absolutely none tomorrow?" Max's voice wavered with anger as he sat in the nearly empty conference room.

"No, sir."

"What's wrong?" Grant looked over at his employee and topped himself up another glass of brandy.

"They got no flights leavin' tomorrow, only tonight and Thursday." He covered the mouth piece as he answered his boss.

"Take the one tonight."

"Really? I thought we had another meetin' to attend tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we do but I can have Stan step in for you." He smiled and lit up a cigar. "Go on, go home. You earned it."

"Thanks." He was slightly taken aback but wasn't about to argue himself into more work. Pulling the phone back to his mouth he let the young girl know which flight he was taking and headed back to his room to pack. More than ready to return home and start acting like the husband he should have been from the start.

***

"Can you not do that?" She scowled and looked back at the TV sleepily. 

"Why?" He asked as he continued to watch over the footage he had on his video camera whilst she lay comfortably between his legs.

"'Cause I'm tryin' to watch this." Pointing the nail file at the TV he took notice and turned the sound down on his camera as she resumed filing her nails.

"My bad."

"What are you doin' anyhow?"

"Just lookin' over things."

"Pervin' on me you mean."

"So? Can you blame me?" He laughed and set his "baby" down on the sheets next to him before snaking his arms under hers and resting them on her abdomen.

"Not really." Chuckling along with him she suddenly went silent as she trailed back into her thoughts.

"What's up?"

"Nothin'...I was just thinkin'."

"About?"

There was a lengthy pause before she turned to face him, kneeling between his legs.

"What you said the other day, y'know? About havin' another girl with us-"

"Nicki." He rubbed her thighs soothingly. "It's fine, really. If you're not comfortable with that we don't have to do it. I don't mind."

"No, I want to do it." She was speaking quietly which only added to the time it took him to realise what she'd said. "Only if you're still up for it though."

"You honestly don't mind doin' this?"

She shook her head and leaned over him some more. "As long as you pay more attention to me."

"Always." His voice hitched when he felt her tongue on his ear lobe, the shiver he experienced took his breath away momentarily as she moved down and began kissing on his neck.

"That's what I wanna hear." Speaking between kisses she soon trailed back up to his mouth and gave him one last kiss before hopping off the bed.

"You're wrong for that."

"What?" She widened her eyes innocently and shrugged some sweats on. "I gotta go feed Micapoo."

"Excuses."

"Whatever, come make us some food."

"What do I get in return?" He inquired curiously as he followed her down the stairs.

"Did I not just agree to have a threesome?"

"Word? That's why you agreed? So I'd slave my ass away in your kitchen?" He couldn't help but laugh  at her as she shrugged before grabbing Mica's onesy from the laundry basket.

"You'll never know." Whipping him lightly with it she headed for the stairs. "I'mma bathe him and feed him up here. Surprise me with wuchoo cook." 

Upon reaching Mica's room she entered quietly and carried him out to the bathroom. She wanted to bathe him the instant she got home but he was still sleeping. After filling the tub to an extremely shallow level she undressed him and held him in place in the tub as she cupped handfuls of water over him. He always looked so cute when he was shocked.

"Sorry baby, Mommy didn't wanna burn you though." Referring to the luke warm water she smiled down at his chubby little cheeks. Once the little amount of hair he had was washed she wrapped him in a towel and redressed him before finally sitting in the rocking chair to feed him. She enjoyed this time with him the most, it was the closest bond they'd ever share and she wanted to cherish it for as long as she could.

"Nic? Can I come in?" Drake's voice startled her a little.

"Yeah, course. Just leave the light off though."

He walked in slowly, scanning Mica's blue ducky decorated room. The nightlight glowing in the corner was his only source of light, but he could still see them clearly.

"You done cookin'?" She spoke in a low whisper.

"No." Smiling weakly he mimicked her hushed voice. "But my Mom just called, my uncle's been taken into hospital."

"Oh my God." She gasped quietly. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, they think so. I'm gonna head over though, just in case."

"Sure, you should go. Tell me how things are when you get chance."

"I will." He moved over and kissed her lovingly before rubbing Mica's soft hair as he fed.

"And thanks again for today, I loved it."

"Any time." With one last smitten smile he turned and walked away, leaving Nicki to finally think clearly about what was going on in her life.

...

*THANKU so much for all the comments you guys are leaving :) I really love reading them. I promise things are gonna get more dramatic soon but you'll just have to wait! I'm gonna try and get posts done for Sweet Dreams, Sacrifice and Frozen this week. Hope this was okay and thanks for reading!*

5. On The Same Page? - Part One

*Just so you know, this was the most uncomfortable chapter I've ever had to write lol :( I hope it's okay and THANKU sooo much for the comments left on the last chapter :) and to those who commented on my newest fic, I really appreciate it :) Hope this is alright for you.*

Every voice in her head was screaming "No" once those words left his mouth. Everything suddenly became so scary and her body remained frozen as he continued to tend to her bloody hand. This had to stop. Now. She couldn't keep doing this to herself and knowing he felt the same way only seemed to hurt her more. It was as if her mind and heart were in a battle with one another, her heart yearning to spend every waking moment with him and let their love lead somewhere but her mind on the other hand was pulling her away from him. She couldn't deal with any heartbreak he might cause her. At least with Max she had security. Her marriage was one of the pillars supporting her sobriety and if that was to crumble she feared what would follow. Her mind was quickly winning this battle, but would it win the war?

"Nicki, say somethin'. Please?" He rubbed his head nervously, still in shock after he'd told her he loved her. She hadn't said a word in almost three minutes, an eternity in his thoughts.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Aubrey." Although she was completely panicked she seemed calm, almost as if she'd been waiting for this moment.

"Say it back, Nicki. I know you feel the same way."

"But I don't though. And I never will." She sniffled and removed her hand out of his grip. "I'm married, Aubrey. This thing between us has only ever been sex. It always will be." The shake in her voice showed her dishonesty.

"You're lyin', what about that night when we were shootin' for the tape a couple weeks back? You remember that? 'Cause I sure as hell do."

Her eyes flicked violently across his, trying to read his emotions. She had forgotten all about that evening, tried her best to block it out even. "I was just caught up in the moment, I shouldn't have said it."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, I'm tellin' the truth." Quickly glancing down at her lap she frowned harshly and pushed her chair back before moving over to the sink, the tears no longer being held back.

"I heard what you said, Nicki. Over and over and over again." She jumped slightly when he spoke, his mouth right next to her ear whilst he stood closely behind her.



The tape was still rolling, catching their intimacy in the dim light of his basement. The bedsheets became more and more crinkled and unkempt as their bodies moved against one another, the passion could be felt in the room but neither would acknowledge it. Nicki wasn't sure if it was the glass of wine she had or her genuine feelings coming though but she couldn't pull her gaze from his face. He was sat upright, staring into her eyes as she rocked back and forth on him. Every breath and whimper she let escape her mouth was given just for him and he was accepting them with each stroke. Completely blocking out the video camera's existence they both continued to maintain their eye contact with one another. Neither had ever experienced an emotional connection as powerful as this one. Her hands slung carelessly around his neck and his on her hips. He loved when she took control.

"Aubrey." She called out in a whispered moan and tightened her grip around his neck. Only now was she aware of the tear rolling down her face.

He gripped her hips more tightly and pulled her closer, her breasts pressed firmly to his chest. He could feel her heart beating. "It's okay."

"No." Moaning out more loudly she began to rock a little faster, her nose less than a centimetre away from his. Their eyes still locked into a stare. "I-I lo-"

"Fuck." He groaned throatily, interrupting her as he started moving her hips faster with his own hands.

"I love you." She allowed her hands to fall to the sides of his neck, resting her thumbs on his cheeks. Her fingers grazing the skin below behind ear lobes. "I love you." Saying it a little quieter she whimpered again feeling herself getting closer to climaxing. She repeated it over and over again as her body was sent into overdrive, the hot wave of pleasure crashing over her whilst she continued to whisper out those three words.



"Now, tell me it meant somethin'." There was only silence filling the empty space. "Look me in the eye and say it, Nicki." Firmly gripping at her arms he turned her around to face him. She was crying hard and although it hurt him to see her like this, he needed to hear her say it.

"I can't."

"Yes you can." He leant in to her, his alluring eyes pulling her back to that moment. "Say it." She shook her head slowly, only stopping when she felt his hands on her damp cheeks. The breath caught in her throat almost immediately when he grazed his lips across hers. The tingly feeling was intense enough to pull a soft whimper from her as he ended the kiss. Their first kiss.  It seemed weird that they had been intimate more times than either could count yet this was only just their first kiss.

It was as if there was no turning back from then on. There was no way in Hell she could walk away from what he was initiating. Her heart was beginning to take the lead in this internal battle, silencing her mind instantly as she stared into his face again. She made the next move, pulling him into an urgent and passionate kiss. Their tongues wrestling with one another as things started to get heated, making the little space between them disappear as their bodies pressed together.

Breaking the kiss for air she panted heavily, studying his lips before focusing her attention on his eyes. "I love you."

Nothing was said for a moment, but his voice relaxed her when he finally did speak. "I love you too."

***

Remaining motionless under the sheets Nicki continued to stare at his muscular back as she lay behind him, biting her lip whilst her mind wandered. She couldn't believe she'd let it happen again. But this time it was different. This time it wasn't just sex. They made love. A corny phrase she never imagined she'd say but that's exactly what it was. A long night of love-making, stopping to eat and deal with Mica once Carol dropped him off of course, but once he was fed and settled in his crib for the night, they returned back to the guest bedroom and continued where they left off.

Her focus was snatched immediately away from his sleeping figure when she heard Mica's cries. Another early morning for them. He'd got into a horrible habit of waking earlier than usual and it was starting to take its toll on her. Blinking slowly she yawned and carefully climbed out of the bed. They never usually slept together after they'd had sex and it felt weird having actually spent the night with him. But she liked it. A lot. Her thoughts began to filter through all of their encounters in her mind as she made her way to Mica's room. The most distinct memory being their first.



"What?" She smiled quizzically at him and stopped painting her nails to hand him the joint. She'd felt his eyes on her the moment she entered the room in only a towel. Her hair dripping down her back whilst she leant forward to reach her feet.

"Nothin'."

"Mkay." Squinting back at him she went back to painting her nails a hot pink colour. "Y'know, Chantelle's been givin' you the glad eye for the longest time, right?"

"Who?" He sat forward on her bed and pushed her pillow off of his lap, exhaling the smoke casually by her window. Silently thanking God her parents were out of town for the weekend.

"Chantelle, she's in my drama class?" She looked up to see his face deep in thought.

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Well, whatever. She likes you."

"So?" He passed the joint back to her and lay back on her bed

"So, Aubrey, you should go talk to her. Ask her out." She spoke matter of factly and moved on to her right foot. He was watching her multitasking, quite remarkably might he add.

"That's like me tellin' you to go ask Eddie out. Would you?"

"Why you bein' so difficult? She's a sweet girl, you're a sweet guy and she likes you."

"I'ont like her though."

"Boy, you just told me you couldn't remember who she was." She laughed when she saw a smile creep across his face. She was copying him until something finally crossed her mind. "Actually, I ain't ever seen you with a girlfriend."

"Sure you have."

"No, I haven't." Quickly screwing the lid on her nail polish she tightened her towel around herself and shuffled over to him. "Budge." Poking his thigh for him to move she took a seat on the edge of the bed once he'd made space for her.

"Nic, I see where this is goin' and honestly you can just stop right there." He took the joint from her once again.

"Aubrey."

"Nicki."

"Aubrey, serioulsy, tell me the name of your last girlfriend!" Her giggle made him smile. "I'm your best friend, I would know if you'd had a girlfriend before. Just like you know I've only ever had one boyfriend." She blinked slowly, the marijuana already having an effect on her dainty frame.

"I'm not discussin' this with you right now." He laughed and remained laying on his back whilst she stared down at him.

"Why not?"

"That's like you talkin' 'bout your boy issues with me. You wouldn't feel comfortable with that, would you?" Shaking his head with a small smirk he blew the smoke up into her face, she just ignored his actions and wafted it away.

"Well, if I ever had like, a super huge issue that I needed to talk to someone about I'd wanna feel like I could talk to you about it." She looked down and shrugged a little, her eyes glazing over. "So I guessed you'd feel the same I s'pose." He watched her as she studied her newly painted nails, the courage was finally building up inside of him. His admittance soon to be heard.

"Nicki..." He trailed off hesitantly. "I've never had a girlfriend before." Full of shame, he avoided her stare. At seventeen years old he found this the most humiliating thing. It wasn't as if nobody was interested though, because they were. But being too afraid to put himself out there he'd never asked a girl out and nor had a girl ever summoned the bravery to approach him either.

"Really?" She rotated some more to meet his eyes, taking the blunt from him and ashing it out in the tray on her side table.

"Really."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, Nicki." He rubbed his head embarrassedly. "I just talk shit in fronna the guys 'cause it's embarrassin'."

"Aubrey, you don't have to be embarrassed. Plenty of girls like you." He carried on avoiding her gaze before she started talking again. "Is that why you're afraid-"

"To ask a girl out? Yeah." He finished off her sentence. Something they frequently did. "I never done it before, let alone..." He trailed off. "Y'know?"

She answered more quietly, being sensitive to his embarrassment. "Had sex?"

"Yeah." Their curent state was loosening them up a little, sometimes a good thing. Sometimes not.

"Well, neither have I." He knew she was trying to make him feel better but he honestly felt as though he would never get out of this rut. Never be able to overcome his fear.

"But it's different for girls though."

"Why is it?" Her brows pushed together waiting for an answer.

"I'onno, it just is." Finishing his measly sentence with a deep sigh he lay back again. Next to him, Nicki's mind was racing with thoughts but she was desperately trying to dismiss them all. This was going to take all of her courage and to do that she'd have to push her fear to the back of her mind.

Letting her eyes scan over him she found herself stuck on his face. He looked so despondent and that's when she realised how much this was bothering him. Thinking about it now she only just connected this with his recent down and miserable behaviour, she just figured it was stuff to do with his Dad not issues concerning his virginity. Feeling the bed move slightly Drake snapped out of his thoughts and looked back to Nicki after hearing her exhale shakily. He felt her hand wrap around his, securely pulling it towards herself.

"Nicki wha-" He sat up instantly when she pressed their hands on to her upper thigh. He didn't pull away from the warm, smooth touch though. "What are you doing?" She folded her lips momentarily and just continued to stare at him. Her eyes and face told him all he needed to know but he shook his head dismissively. "Nicki, we can't-" He cut himself off once again when she let her towel drop down, sat naked before him in all her glory. The silence was almost overwhelming but he couldn't for the life of him tear his eyes away. Instead he let them roam every inch of her exposed skin, he didn't care that she was watching nervously. Unwrapping her hand from his she lay it on top and guided it, encouraging him to feel her. As soon as he started gliding his palm up and down her thigh she began breathing more calmly. The most intimidating part was over, actually initiating the contact. She had no idea what she was doing and nor did he.

The more she melted into his touch the more daring he got, soon adding in a second hand on her other thigh before moving his right hand to the side of her stomach. Gripping at her side gently as he ran his thumb over the skin on her abdomen. Their eyes met when he proceeded to go higher, grazing his fingertips over the soft flesh of her breast. This was new to both of them, it was like blind leading the blind which is exactly why it was the prefect opportunity. The pair of them being so inexperienced took away that intimidating feeling, not to mention the fact that they knew each other so well. It felt safe.

"You're sure?" He spoke quietly, his hand still lingering beneath the fleshy part of her chest.

Pulling the towel away from herself completely she breathed out to relax some more and threw the fabric to the floor. "Positive." Trying to calm herself was proving to be pointless, for with each pressure filled squeeze he gave her she began to feel more and more breathy. 

This new kind of physical contact they were sharing was extremely weird at first, but she was actually starting to enjoy it. Understandably his confidence peaked when he noticed this too. Taking in every part of her face. Her parted lips, her flushed cheeks and her half closed eyes staring at him with want as she breathed slowly but heavily. Suddenly feeling his trousers tighten he looked down at his crotch, making her do the same. He knew she could definitely see it. Glancing back up at her swiftly he lost his nerve and pulled his hand away. This was wrong. She was his best friend. Although they were both affected by the joint they'd so happily shared, he still new this was crossing a boundary.

"What's wrong?"

"Nicki, this is weird, we can't." He stood up and went to grab her towel from the floor. "It's not you, I just don't want things to be strange between us." Turning back to hand her towel to her he stopped when he caught her looking directly at his erection. It was still very much present and now level with her eyes.

"Why stop now? You've already seen me naked." She peered down at herself before returning her stare to his crotch. "I showed you mine, now you show me yours."

...

Okay, as you can probably tell, this chapter was WAAAAAY out of my comfort zone, like, beyond that and I was close to not posting lol but I did it anyway. Also you prolly already guessed but when the text is white it's a flashback :))*